| Monday, November 15th, 2004 |
| 3:58 pm |
And I wonder, if anything would ever be this good again...
Men are dense...so if any of these away messages are supposed to be hints I'm not getting it. Just say it. I was going to post a list of all the things i miss, indeed I wrote one. Mostly I miss my friend. But then I thought it might come across as whiny as opposed to sweet. I'm done fighting. At first I thought I couldn't stop...that doing so would prove I didn't love you. People fight for what they love. But then I realized I was fighting you...or the persona you have become. I did everything right. It's over simply because you deign it to be so. If you ever wanted it back all you would have to do is deem otherwise. But you knew that. I have no clue why this all happened. What went wrong. Did I just bore you? Did you realize you could get somebody better? Was it parental disapproval? A fear of commitment? I like to think the last one...but maybe its just a combination of all of it. Long ago I had a fairy tale dream of love...and to be frank its done a lot of mental damage to me. I've tried to discard most of it but I realize some of it has still stuck with me. Notably, the false belief that the key to receiving love is simple...you just have to give it first. For someone who "cherishes" me and considers me family I've been treated oddly in the last couple months. Part of me would like to think you do so for my own benefit...but I dunno. I dont think its the best solution, just the easiest. As I said, I'm done fighting you...its silly. I'd fight any other impediment forever...but not you. You have to fight if I mean anything. I'll finish by noting another of our similarities. You are certainly your worst enemy...as I am mine. A bit of advice, I cut someone out of my life completely in the past...and while it needed to be done...I would not do it again. You have a terrible capacity for cutting people out of your life as I've seen time and again though. And karmically, I deserve it. For all I know, you might not even read this thing anymore. But I've said my piece as eloquently, thoughtfully, and civilly as I can. For what it's worth, --Dave |
| Wednesday, November 10th, 2004 |
| 8:27 pm |
Trying
i love double entendres (see title) 4 rejections and counting dating is like the hell you have to get through to get to a good relationship i suppose i could say more, i was going to say more, i will say more... but im suddenly very very tired its not so much that i want to do all this, but that i have to |
| Saturday, November 6th, 2004 |
| 3:29 pm |
Taste ambrosia Then try to choke down a bologna sandwich Is it any wonder why I starve |
| Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004 |
| 8:04 am |
need i say more
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
JanuaryStubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious. |
| Sunday, October 31st, 2004 |
| 4:26 pm |
There are some questions that I just never want the answer to. I can only imagine the crushing horror Randy's friend is going through. My life's not so bad in comparison. |
| Saturday, October 30th, 2004 |
| 11:09 am |
Has anyone ever ordered from Apollo's and NOT got their order screwed up somehow. I felt like giving them another shot cause its been so long. That was stupid. It'll prolly be another 2 yrs before i try that again. |
| Monday, October 25th, 2004 |
| 10:01 pm |
Wow...saw metastatic colon cancer, stomach cancer, and pancreatic cancer twice today. Those last 3 were people in their late 30's and early 40's. People with kids. People that would otherwise be young and healthy. 3 of those 4 people have about an 85% chance to be dead within the year. Reminds you to appreciate your health. Nothing says "I'm alive!" like a root beer float and a backrub I figured. So, I took care of one of those anyway. Man...what a day. |
| Sunday, October 24th, 2004 |
| 3:03 pm |
Quiet and busy beats idle and vocal
http://www.miltonblack.com.au/compatibility/capricorn/aries.htmMy mom believes in that stuff. Sometimes I wonder if she's not on to something. Might be interesting to scientifically and critically study astrology...just to see. I swear i'm capriorn through and through. If nothing else, I'm sure that link will provide entertainment to friends. If you back it up a bit you can select your own sign and check compatabilities too. I've been quiet lately...and busy. That's for the best. The last thing I want is plenty of free time to think on things and the will to express it. And before THAT sends me into it...off to study! |
| Tuesday, October 12th, 2004 |
| 4:46 pm |
i've been better
I feel...weak, and sick. What makes a person like someone? Not like someone? Stop liking someone they used to like? I don't have any answers for this. But to say I have never really stopped liking anyone I've ever really been interested in. How sad, empty, and alone my life is. How do I change it? School isnt going very well right now either...stupid cardio |
| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004 |
| 9:37 pm |
ah how i ramble...
Yikes! Is everyone adopting the "Winter is coming." philosophy? I must admit I've felt it too. Haven't put it on the away mssgs in an effort to not sound glum. How's about "Ours is the Fury." Grab some energy and do something constructive...ok...the Baratheons are asses. I guess the problem is I don't know where I stand. Or is it that I don't want to know where I stand? No, I get mixed signals. And i've never been all that good at reading signals to begin with. I seek something so ephemeral. So elusive. I feel vulnerable and by extension stupid. I speak truthfully, but some days it seems as though the world tries to put the lie to my tongue. I am tested often. Perhaps my sigil should be a rock..."Steadfast beyond reason." Oh, i've gone off on a tangent I didn't want to...typical. I really need to study cardiology provided i want to learn it for a test. But its just a pump. Every attribute we make to the heart really belongs to the mind. Life is simple. People are complicated. |
| Sunday, September 26th, 2004 |
| 2:56 pm |
2 down, 8 to go
These post-test weekends are pure gold. Since I hadn't played video games in oh so long I spent about 10 hours friday playing xmen legends w/ Randy. I also managed to watch a lot of cartoons, play some snes roms, and find a program that lets you design your own magic cards (very cool). Lest ye think my weekend was entirely unproductive I did manage to run (week 7 starts today), grocery shop, read monday's notes, and I'm attending the peds interest group picnic later today. Ive been surprisingly sleepy this weekend though. |
| Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004 |
| 6:59 pm |
We both laughed yesterday. That's so important. The Saver looks pretty good this year. Gotta get to Panini's. Had a presentation today. Pulled the diagnosis out of nowhere at the last minute. Score. Test friday...stupid tests. excited about xmen legends...but itll have to wait a few days. (havent really played a video game in 3 weeks, yikes!) |
| Tuesday, September 21st, 2004 |
| 9:45 pm |
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| Saturday, September 18th, 2004 |
| 10:22 pm |
Champions of Kamigawa
Fun stuff. Got to the tournament early. Hung out at the riverfront park...gorgeous. Again, amazed at how much im not a nerd...on a relative scale in that group anyways. I have to say I like the block. Japanese...whats not to like. I really like arcane and spirit trigger effects. Blue sucks...which is ok by me. I played a white/black deck (my 2 favorite colors). Was tempted to put red direct damage in, but didnt want to play 3 colors. I had a lot of fliers, which helped me out. I won 10 rounds and lost 8. Won 4 matches, lost 3, and tied once. 2 of my losses were due in part at least to getting mana screwed. It happens when you play so many games. I could've won my draw but the guy was taking FOREVER on his turns. Plus, he was a big jerk (everybody else was a good sport). In the end I placed 39th out of 175, about what I did in my last tournament. I packed a lunch so I didnt starve and brought my notes to study in between bouts. On my way out I caught a fireworks show at the park...an unexpected surprise. I also realized on the walk home that there are tons of really posh restaurants I need to try one of these days. Places I really shouldve been since Ive been in town 5 years now. Definitly fun and definitely worth the money. The pre-release promo card was an alternate artwork, foil, dragon spirit. For 6 mana, 5/5 flying, if it dies it deals 5 damage to all nonflying creatures. Cant wait till this set comes out on mtgplay. Never saw a flip creature...and thats the breakdown of my eventful day. |
| Wednesday, September 15th, 2004 |
| 7:35 pm |
see...now i wanna go watch that movie again
I feel as if I am reaching quite a few crucial thresholds. Bubbling and brewing. Cant see if itll be for better or worse. Close to edges. Not sure if im climbing up or falling down. Stagnation is an ugly thing. And im terribly unsatisfied on a day to day basis. All these...points...lay so close to one another so that I am unable to say what will come. I suppose its possibe that I'll just simmer down and remain inert as well. "Geology is the study of pressure and time. Thats all it takes really... pressure... and time..." --Shawshank Redemption That's the quote I was looking for...but its such an excellent movie you cant quote it just once ;-) "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." --Red |
| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004 |
| 8:41 pm |
Champions of Kamigawa prerelease tournament this saturday downtown! That's the latest magic set if you dont know. Anyone interested in going should post a comment. darn eyelashes...i shed these things like crazy, and they mostly seem to end up in my eyes lately surprised by how interesting pulmonology has been...i did not expect to find enjoyment in the study of the lungs |
| Sunday, September 12th, 2004 |
| 12:32 pm |
had an entertaining night of gaming, played star wars life, monopoly, and munchkin quite impressed with munchkin really wish i had roomates (good ones) osu won...barely i could say more, but to what end ... |
| Saturday, September 11th, 2004 |
| 6:43 am |
fading, as dreams do
im always taken aback when I have a nightmare it amazes me that in sleep my mind can show me w/ such accuracy my weaknesses how cold and perceptive i am when it comes to me...cruel to show these things to myself i know its not real...but i still wake up unsettled... i know myself way too well (and no, zombies have nothing to do with it, i can cook up much worse) |
| Thursday, September 9th, 2004 |
| 11:45 pm |
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| Monday, September 6th, 2004 |
| 2:45 pm |
increasingly disappointed with my shortcomings |
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